Rookie Mistake

      Alright ya'll... I need to write about something near and dear to my heart. I got into a lot of trouble for this photo. Last night was the first night my nine week old daughter slept in her bassinet. She slept for twelve hours with only one break half way through to feed! Miracle!!!! Mommy actually got to spread out in bed and get some rest. Of course I was beyond excited and wanted to share it with the world, so I started with sharing it on one of my mom groups on Facebook. The same group I always go to for support.

      Now what I got was a lot of other moms letting me know the dangers of this photo. Baby shouldn't sleep with anything but a flat sheet.... my bad. Rookie mistake! I was not aware of the dangers and immediately fixed the problem. Now, I don't mind that other moms want to warn me; that is still supportive as long as they are saying it in the right way and I got a lot of moms that did just that. But I did notice one lady whose comments made me feel, well.... stupid.

      I am a grown adult. No one is responsible for making me feel anything, I choose what I feel. However, I believe that we should use sensitive words in these situations. Being a first time mom, I am bound to make a lot of mistakes and learn from them. Your advice is usually welcome, especially if my kid is in any danger. But let's be mindful of how we present our suggestions. Let's build each other up! I hate when I see mommy shaming on the internet. I went to share my exciting news and what I was left with were feelings of stupidity and embarrassment.

      Again, I'm not saying you should keep it to yourself. Just ask yourself, "how would this make me feel as a new mom?" "Will my suggestion be helpful or shameful?"

      Parenting is hard enough, let's not make it any harder.

Summer Salad

      I attended a family reunion yesterday and we were asked to bring a dish. I was trying to think of something fast, easy and cheap that would keep well at the beach. Salad! Duh. But I got fancy with it... and it turned out amazing! Feel free to share and make it your own. Enjoy!

Summer Salad

Ingredients (served about 15 people)

2 Hearts of romaine

2 Handfuls of arugula

2 Handfuls of kale
2 Granny smith apples
Walnuts
Dried Cranberries
Avocado
Feta Cheese
Goat Cheese

I also added grape tomatoes, but it would have been better without. I got lazy and served it with some pre-made dressing from Trader Joes but you can make a nice light vinaigrette if you really wanted to impress the party!

Date Night

      When you are a parent, finding time alone can be difficult. Finding time with your partner can be damn near impossible! It is so important to set aside one day a week (if you can) to have date night. Max and I dropped off our little Junebug with my sister and snuck away to see a movie and a free comedy show. My sister actually ended up letting us take the ENTIRE night off and getting a good night's rest on top of it! It was our first night away from June and it was terrifying, but boy am I glad we did it. Take advantage of those opportunities ladies! Your little one will be fine and you will feel slightly back to your normal self. 

      We had so much fun on our date, laughing and drinking like when we first met. We didn't feel like parents, we felt like kids! Just to be able to have conversation and alone time without being interrupted by a hungry little hippo - that's her new nickname, what with all the cluster feeding she has been doing - it was perfect and I plan on making it a weekly thing.

     We spent our Sunday organizing the house. It started with an ant infestation (I left the salad out - my bad) and turned into a full day of cleaning house. Max offered to watch June as I tackled the nursery. She started to get fussy and I told him to give her some milk I had pumped and rock her to sleep for her afternoon nap. I listened to him struggling to get her down for about fifteen minutes. He finally came in and said, "I swear it's like she knows! I rock her to sleep and the second I sit down she wakes up crying!" I can't even tell you how good it felt. To have him see why it is so hard to get anything done around the house, to have him understand the frustration of never having a second alone. It's always nice when hard work is recognized, but you don't always get that as a mom. No one truly understands the amount of work it takes. Now try doing it all day, every day with no sleep! Ha! Didn't think so....

Spicy Shrimp Tacos

         Alright ladies... and gents, I got excited about having some time and energy to finally cook my hubby dinner and it was UH-MAZING!!! This dinner was inspired by my favorite dish at Loteria, although I have to say I think mine came out even better! Not only was it incredibly tasty but also super easy to make. So for all of you mamas who want to impress your man but don't have the time to cook, this is a must! You can thank me later.

Spicy Shrimp Tacos

Ingredients

16 oz bag of cooked, peeled salad shrimp

5 tbs of butter

1 tbs of minced garlic

1 large lemon

1/2 tsp of salt

1/2 tsp of garlic powder

1/2 tsp of paprika

1 tsp of chili pepper

Avocado 

Cilantro or Arugula

Sour cream

Cotija cheese

Corn tortillas

Directions 

Melt butter, minced garlic and the juice of one lemon in a large skillet (preferably cast iron). Once butter has melted, add in shrimp. Sauté on high heat for five minutes. Add in spices and reduce heat to low, cook for another ten minutes stirring occasionally. (You can play with the spices depending on your pallet, this was the perfect amount of salty and spicy for me.) 

Grill up some corn tortillas while the shrimp is finishing.

Spread some sour cream on a hot tortilla (optional), add shrimp and top it off with avocado, cilantro and cotija cheese! I was out of cilantro and used some arugula and it was delicious, so feel free to play with this recipe.

ENJOY!! 

Tired

I’m tired today… Let’s face it, I’m tired every day. I really don’t know how you stay-at-home-moms do it! Props, mad props. I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, her sleep last night wasn’t bad, I’m just tired. This motherhood thing is so hard! I have a laundry list of things I need to get done and all I want to do is nap with my little babe.

Mornings are my favorite. We wake up, put on a fresh diaper, breastfeed and she can’t stop smiling and laughing. On days where I don’t have any appointments or plans, I take full advantage of this time together. I will be going back to work and school in just a few weeks and will miss our mornings so much. So do I feel guilty? Absolutely not. The dishes will get done, the laundry will get done, the carpet will get vacuumed…. Eventually. This is more important. Time spent with my daughter will always be a priority. She won’t be a baby forever, but I will have laundry F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

Priorities seem to be a theme this week. Yesterday I felt guilty for taking my little one with me to the salon to get my hair done. She did great for the most part, just got a little fussy but I breastfed and she was fine. I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt, like I was ruining the experience for someone else. But in reality, all the girls loved oohing and aahing over my girl and I got to leave the salon feeling beautiful. You really can’t put a price on that feeling, so mommas – go get your hair done!

My fiancé got home from his two-week fire assignment on Sunday and told me he had planned on going back to his full time job that Monday. I begged him to stay home with us. He was feeling so much guilt about turning down work and having to make money that I had to actually remind him that taking care of his well being and spending a day with his family was just as important (if not more) than making money. We feel so much pressure as parents to support our families that we forget that part of supporting our family means taking care of ourselves!!!! It’s OK to let yourself have a day off people! Actually, it’s not just OK it’s NECESSARY.

 I realized we hadn’t spent one day of quality time together since she had been born eight weeks ago…. That doesn’t sit right with me. I don’t want to look back on our life together and just remember how hard we worked to survive. I want to have the memories! I’m so tired of people placing judgment and unsolicited advice on us as parents. There is such a thing as overworking yourself. It’s not healthy… it takes a toll on your mind, body and spirit. You suffer, your marriage suffers, your family suffers. Let yourself take a day off, go get a massage, spend money on a nice dinner. Take care of your needs! You won’t have a family to take care of if you aren’t ever around to see them. Do what you need to do for yourself and don’t listen to anyone who makes you feel bad for it.  Marriage and parenting is hard enough as is, we don’t need to make it any harder.

Priorities, people.

Chasing Chickens

            This past week has been stressful to say the least, even more than usual. My fiancé is a wild land firefighter and has been on an assignment for two weeks. Although I am used to taking care of our daughter for the majority of the time, it’s really nice to have the extra support when he comes home from work to help me put dinner together or just hold her while I get to take a shower. Needless to say, his presence was very missed.

During his absence, three of our chickens managed to escape. We live in Los Angeles mind you, not on some farm in the middle of nowhere. So finding them isn’t as easy as driving down an old empty road. I spent a good portion of the first day driving around our neighborhood listening for their clucking and asking neighbors if they had seen any chickens running around…. Pretty sure my neighbors think I’m crazy. No luck.

Finally, later that night I saw my cat staring with intent at something in our neighbor’s backyard. Audrey!! Our dear Audrey was running around trying to find out how to get back over the wall. I ran over to the neighbors house, rang the doorbell and no one answered. I had no choice but to break in to his backyard and save my chicken! I was so happy I had found one of our missing chickens… until the next morning when I saw that little shit running around his back yard again.

HOW IS SHE DOING THIS?? I put June in her carrier, strapped her to my chest and ran over to his house. Again, no one answered. So now, I’m breaking into this guy’s back yard with my child. I could just imagine calling my fiancé from jail explaining to him that I got arrested and our child was with CPS all because I was trying to rescue our chicken. But did that stop me? Of course not! I spent a solid ten minutes chasing Audrey around, swinging my arms trying to catch her with our eight week old daughter strapped to my chest the whole time.  When I got her back into our yard I boobie trapped the chicken coop so that there was no possible way of it getting out again.

With the comfort of knowing the chicken was locked up safely, I caught up on household chores, grocery shopping and made dinner. I’m doing all of this with a very gassy, irritable baby who won’t stop crying by the way. Finally we get some rest, well she did any way… in two hour increments. Me? I laid in bed staring at the ceiling with June asleep on my chest (because she would cry when I set her down next to me) contemplating how I got to this point. You know, the usual bedtime inner dialogue.

The next morning I woke up, made some coffee and what do I see? That god damned chicken in his yard again. So what do I do? I say, “f*** it, we’re going to the beach!” I packed up the car and left that chicken right where she wanted to be.

The lesson I learned this week is that sometimes we have to ignore all of our responsibilities, pack our bags and go on an adventure. Because our biggest responsibility as a mother, or human being, is to take care of ourselves and that is often forgotten amongst the growing to do list that is our greatest burden. When you live a life without sleep, with throw up on every outfit, cold meals, sore nipples and no breaks…. It is so very important to spend a day or even an hour trying to relax. When your mind/body/spirit isn’t healthy, the entire household falls apart. Make yourself your biggest priority. Always.

Let's Talk Truth

         Everybody knows being a parent is hard, some even refer to it as the hardest job in the world, but no one really talks about just how hard it is. Sure, we hear the jokes about never sleeping again, never having any alone time, the house will always be a mess but no one talks about those first few weeks… and there’s a reason they don’t. It’s an uncomfortable topic. There’s so much pressure on a woman to feel so in love and happy to be a mom that no one really wants to talk about what goes on in that first month. Well, we need to start.

           

I was convinced I had post partum depression until I joined a Facebook group of moms who all shared a very similar experience. Of course we are happy and in love, but we are also in a lot of pain and adjusting to a very different lifestyle. As eager as I was to leave the hospital and take our little precious bundle of joy home, that was easily the best part of that month. So first time moms – don’t be in a rush to leave! At the hospital you have constant care from nurses who are there to change your pads, help you breastfeed, bring you food, help you to the restroom. You are posted up in bed, possibly medicated, and just enjoying watching your little one sleep.

           

Once you’re home, you’re on your own. Family and friends are wonderful and step in to help with the baby and bring you food but it isn’t likely you will want them to help you in the restroom. Pooping after delivery is almost as painful as delivery itself. It can take a few days to be able to go and when you do, you’re poop is rock solid. It’s excruciatingly painful to push out and when you finally do you’re likely to tear a hemorrhoid and bleed quite a bit. Yes, I said it. That’s normal. So to all the pregnant ladies out there, I would stock up on some stool softener and prune juice…. You’ll thank me later. You will also bleed for up to six weeks and have to walk around wearing maxi pads the whole time. Luckily, I stocked up on Thinx underwear so that I could avoid the diaper feeling. Women who have C-sections, myself included, are in so much pain from having everything removed and shoved back in that even walking can feel impossible. But after a couple of weeks you will start feeling better, so hang in there.

           

Usually people that go through a major surgery or any hospital stay, go home and rest. Not you! You get to wake up every couple of hours with baby and hope you don’t cry when they latch on to your cracked, ultra-sensitive nipple. I strongly encourage you to get some nipple butter, it will take a few weeks for your nips to toughen up and the butter will help in the meantime. I cannot stress this enough… REST WHEN YOUR BABY RESTS. Even if you can’t sleep – put on a show, pick up a book, just tune out. Don’t get stressed that you aren’t being productive, you are!! Taking care of a newborn is more than a full time job, you don’t get any breaks. So please allow yourself to not do anything when you get an hour of your little one napping.

           

Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to cry for no reason. Let your body heal and don’t compare yourself to others. Ask for help and allow people to take care of you… Furthermore, enjoy being taken care of! If you are feeling overwhelmed by visitors and want to be alone, politely tell everyone to F off. Don’t feel bad or guilty; take care of yourself and your needs. Join mom groups and connect with people, build your support group. Facebook has some great groups and when you are feeling up to it, join a mommy and me class! Feeling depressed or having the “baby blues” is completely normal, just keep an eye on it and if you feel you can’t trust yourself, see your doctor.

           

This article isn’t meant to scare new moms. Having a child IS the best thing that will ever happen to you. It’s the kind of love there are no words for. But nothing worth anything is ever easy and the more honest we can be as parents, the better we will be as parents.

Five Things To Do When You Find Out You're Pregnant

1.     Figure out how to tell your partner

     This may seem a little too obvious, but depending on how you deliver your news this can be very exciting or very scary. Even for women who have been trying to conceive, I think all women experience a little (or a lot) of panic the moment they see that test come out positive. I can’t stress enough how important it is to gather your emotions before breaking the news to your partner. Not only did you just find out your life has taken a complete 180 degree turn, but your hormones are running a muck making you about emotionally developed as a fifteen year old girl during her first break up. For the love of God woman, control yourself! Just kidding.

    

     Some women like to set up a cute way to tell their partner they’re expecting, this was my orginal plan. After I stopped crying (tears of joy, of course) I got on Etsy and found a little onesie that said, “My Daddy is a Firefighter.” I purchased it on the spot and couldn’t wait for him to get home from his fire and open it up along with my ClearBlue pregnancy test. However, he informed me later that night over the phone that he was being extended which meant I had to keep this a secret for over a week! I’m not good at keeping secrets… so I asked him to FaceTime me and I broke the news over the phone while still being able to see his face. By this time, I had already gathered my emotions and been to the doctor to confirm my pregnancy. It ended up being perfect and he couldn’t have been more excited, but for the next go around I want to find a more creative way to tell him.

2.     Don’t be afraid to tell everyone

     This is a subject matter of great importance to me. When I first started to tell people I was pregnant, I was only seven weeks along. I found a lot of people thinking that it was necessary to tell me to keep it a secret until after my first trimester. This is a norm that needs to be broken. Miscarriage is so common (about 50%), and when you tell a woman to keep her pregnancy a secret you are setting her up to live in fear of the unknown. Personally, if I did have a miscarriage I wouldn’t want to go through it alone. The more support, the better. I am also a HUGE believer in energy and the more people you tell, the more positivity and excitement surrounds your little bundle of joy. Some women choose to just tell close friends and family and not announce it on social media until after thirteen weeks, that works too! The point is that it is a CHOICE. If you feel like you want to tell the world, then do it! Don’t let old traditions keep you from being excited.

3.     Get on Pinterest

     If you haven’t joined the wonderful world of Pinterest already, now is the time to do so. Start creating boards that get you excited for baby. Chances are, you are feeling like crap all day and the lack of appetite and constant fatigue is starting to make you go insane. I would normally tell someone to start a new hobby or craft, but you may not have the energy to do that just yet. It gets better, I promise! This is where Pinterest comes in handy. You can plan projects for when you are feeling better. I think I spent an average of three hours a day on Pinterest looking up nursery ideas, mom blogs, DIY art projects, etc. to distract me from how awful I felt in the first trimester. Now I am in my second trimester and starting to complete those projects and begin new ones!

4.     Plan your baby announcement

     I had way too much fun with this one. I bought a cheap chalkboard off of Amazon, with some chalk markers and got to work on ideas. We decided to announce our pregnancy in October so a pumpkin had to be incorporated, duh. This is a fun activity to involve your partner in as well, they will most likely be just as excited as you are. Bounce your ideas off each other and find one that works for both of you. If you decide to just put up a picture of your ultrasound on Facebook, that works too. Personally, I find it to be way more fun planning a simple photo shoot (this is where the self-timer function comes in handy) and again, it helps distract you from feeling like crap.

5.     Research

     We all know that parenting comes with it’s own set of troubles that no one can prevent. Being a parent is hard, or so I have heard. But doing your research on certain topics and being firm in your decision can make it just a little easier. These topics range from small to huge, but they all need to be talked about. Breastfeeding, vaccinations, circumcision, delayed cord clamping, homemade baby food, cloth or disposable diapers, or something as simple as the color of the nursery. Make sure that both you and your partner do your research on all of these topics and stand firm in your decisions before you have to make them. Look at the pros and cons of both sides, and decide which works best for your family. As important as it is to talk to your physician about all concerns, keep in mind that at the end of the day they are a business. Sometimes, their opinions will differ from your intuition as a mother and I strongly encourage you to listen to that intuition. Take the nine months of preparing for your little miracle and get informed, you won’t regret it.