Everybody knows being a parent is hard, some
even refer to it as the hardest job in the world, but no one really talks about
just how hard it is. Sure, we hear the jokes about never sleeping again, never
having any alone time, the house will always be a mess but no one talks about
those first few weeks… and there’s a reason they don’t. It’s an uncomfortable
topic. There’s so much pressure on a woman to feel so in love and happy to be a
mom that no one really wants to talk about what goes on in that first month.
Well, we need to start.
I was convinced I
had post partum depression until I joined a Facebook group of moms who all
shared a very similar experience. Of course we are happy and in love, but we
are also in a lot of pain and adjusting to a very different lifestyle. As eager
as I was to leave the hospital and take our little precious bundle of joy home,
that was easily the best part of that month. So first time moms – don’t be in a
rush to leave! At the hospital you have constant care from nurses who are there
to change your pads, help you breastfeed, bring you food, help you to the
restroom. You are posted up in bed, possibly medicated, and just enjoying
watching your little one sleep.
Once you’re home,
you’re on your own. Family and friends are wonderful and step in to help with
the baby and bring you food but it isn’t likely you will want them to help you
in the restroom. Pooping after delivery is almost as painful as delivery
itself. It can take a few days to be able to go and when you do, you’re poop is
rock solid. It’s excruciatingly painful to push out and when you finally do
you’re likely to tear a hemorrhoid and bleed quite a bit. Yes, I said it.
That’s normal. So to all the pregnant ladies out there, I would stock up on
some stool softener and prune juice…. You’ll thank me later. You will also
bleed for up to six weeks and have to walk around wearing maxi pads the whole time.
Luckily, I stocked up on Thinx underwear so that I could avoid the diaper
feeling. Women who have C-sections, myself included, are in so much pain from
having everything removed and shoved back in that even walking can feel
impossible. But after a couple of weeks you will start feeling better, so hang
in there.
Usually people
that go through a major surgery or any hospital stay, go home and rest. Not
you! You get to wake up every couple of hours with baby and hope you don’t cry
when they latch on to your cracked, ultra-sensitive nipple. I strongly
encourage you to get some nipple butter, it will take a few weeks for your nips
to toughen up and the butter will help in the meantime. I cannot stress this
enough… REST WHEN YOUR BABY RESTS. Even if you can’t sleep – put on a show,
pick up a book, just tune out. Don’t get stressed that you aren’t being
productive, you are!! Taking care of a newborn is more than a full time job,
you don’t get any breaks. So please allow yourself to not do anything when you
get an hour of your little one napping.
Be gentle with
yourself. Allow yourself to cry for no reason. Let your body heal and don’t
compare yourself to others. Ask for help and allow people to take care of you…
Furthermore, enjoy being taken care of! If you are feeling overwhelmed by
visitors and want to be alone, politely tell everyone to F off. Don’t feel bad
or guilty; take care of yourself and your needs. Join mom groups and connect
with people, build your support group. Facebook has some great groups and when
you are feeling up to it, join a mommy and me class! Feeling depressed or
having the “baby blues” is completely normal, just keep an eye on it and if you
feel you can’t trust yourself, see your doctor.
This article isn’t
meant to scare new moms. Having a child IS the best thing that will ever happen
to you. It’s the kind of love there are no words for. But nothing worth
anything is ever easy and the more honest we can be as parents, the better we
will be as parents.
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