Becoming Mrs. Foster

It is so good to be back! These past few months have been a whirlwind of laughter, cries, love, fear, inspirations, doubts and all of the above. Not only have I felt all the emotions, struggles and beauty that come with being a first time mom but I also decided to take on five classes at a university and part-time employment! What was I thinking?! Just kidding. 

In all honesty, as crazy as it all sounds it only proved to me what I am capable of as a wife/mother/human. I had decided that I wanted to go back to college and finish my degree before getting pregnant and I followed up with my decision. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I also knew I wasn't alone. There have been plenty of mothers before me that have made that same commitment and many who didn't have the support group I have. It takes a village, right? BOY DOES IT!!! Honestly, I could not have done this without the support of our family... so, thank you. 

I was extremely lucky to be able to take most of my classes online and be able to be a stay at home mom five days out of the week. Next semester, not so much. Unfortunately, I will have to work more hours and take my classes on campus. She will go to daycare and she will be just fine... BUT WILL I?! I'm sure the crying will only last for the first week, right?!

On top of the aforementioned chaos, I have also been planning our wedding!!! We set a date, picked a location, caterer, theme... and most importantly, my dress! The planning has been coming along so wonderfully, hopefully a good sign of how our marriage will be ;) Here are some of my favorite photos from our engagement session... 

 

Our photographer (Rachael Lee) is a very dear friend of mine and if you are in the LA area, you must check her out! She also wrote a beautiful blog post about our session and made us out to look like a true Disney princess love story. 

As much as Max and I look perfect on camera and social media, we are just as imperfect as any couple out there. I think it's important to remember that our favorite couples never post the bad stuff. I often see people write comments on our photos about how we inspire them and hashtag #relationshipgoals and although I am extremely flattered and moved by our impact, I also feel it is necessary to remind everyone just how normal we are. We bicker, we fight, we call each other names and we have poor communication. But we also have a commitment that is bigger than that. We have a commitment to each other to be better and a commitment to our family to be the parents we want to be and the marriage we want our kids to admire. We are constantly striving to be our best and when one of us isn't doing so well, the other one puts out a gentle reminder... ok maybe more like abrupt. 

There is no perfect love, because people are not perfect. We have to decide who we are willing to do the work with and have the uncomfortable moments with... and for me, that's Max. I knew it the moment I met him. 

Now that my semester is almost finished and I have a little break, I will be updating the blog... so keep checking in! I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season and wraps up 2016 with a bang! Next year, I become Mrs. Foster! Woohoo!

The Little Things

   

      Junebug decided to sleep nine hours straight last night! I woke up and pumped, made coffee and put on Netflix. It's the little things I tell ya. Just that twenty minutes I had to myself put me in the best mood and it was a huge reminder to switch my focus.

      So often I get wrapped up in thinking about what I need to do, what's not working, what needs improvement, that I forget to acknowledge all the progress I've made. I forget to remember just how good I have it.

      I do this with everything.... Family, work, health. I am constantly finding something wrong with something or someone, mostly with myself. If I spent more energy focusing on all the progress I have made or all the amazing fits of laughter I share with my hubby, life would be that much better. Could you imagine having to come home to that every day? I'm definitely no Georgia peach.... More like a rotten apple!

      It's those little moments that make me realize I need to check myself (before I wreck myself, of course). Like when my daughter gazes up at me during a feeding and smiles. That just about knocks me off my feet. Or when I take a minute out of my day to buy one of the homeless people in our community lunch. Heck, even a solid twenty minute shower without the soundtrack of a baby crying will do it! Switch the focus, change the conversation.

      It isn't just about fake it till you make it or not complaining. It's about truly recognizing the good. It's about emitting love and happiness so that it comes back to you in abundance. It's about coming from a place of compassion and empathy and hoping that someone will do the same for you. I know a lot of people may read this and laugh it off, seeing me as one of those tree hugging hippies. But those hippies seem to be pretty happy... So maybe they're on to something.

      Thoughts? Comments? Complaints? ;)

      Feel free to chime in!

The Snuggle Is Real

      Ohhh the snuggle is SO REAL!! All week I have been riddled with anxiety at the thought of having to go back to work and school next month and placing June in a daycare. I always told everyone I could never be a stay at home mom, but now that I am faced with that reality I am terrified. So I changed the conversation in my head from impossible to possible!

      I believe in the power of words and thinking. As much as we may say we want something, it is so hard to not listen to that little voice in the back of your head that is telling you the list of reasons of why it can't happen. 

      I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to raise my daughter. I want to be there for all of her firsts. 

      Little voice.... "But you can't afford it, you're going to be in so much debt she will never have a good life." 

      It never ends.

      So I decided I wouldn't listen to it. I am going to do everything in my power to make this happen. I don't want my child being raised in daycare. I know she would be fine, but I wouldn't. This is such a crucial time for our bond and for her development and I can't bare the thought of missing it. 

      So I started brainstorming. It seems like the stay at home moms who bring in a sufficient income are doing it through blogging, etsy stores or MLM businesses. These are all great, but they take time. I love to write and love the blogging world, but I'm new to it. It's going to take time for me to create a solid amount of followers and that's OK. I am terrible with networking, so MLM isn't for me. I know how to sew! I'm an amateur but making baby clothes is definitely an option. 

      Once I created a new commitment and changed the conversation, I was presented with opportunities. June and I got a call for an audition for Pampers and now we are on avail! The funny thing about this gig, is that the day they want us for the shoot is August 16.... the ten year anniversary of my Dad's passing. Coincidence? I think not! 

      It was so obvious to me that my Dad was working with the Universe and God to make what would have been a really hard day, something fun and memorable. It's even more obvious that when I say I want something and am committed to doing whatever it takes to get it, the Universe provides! I'm not here to preach my beliefs on anyone, but this is my blog so I will talk about what I know. And what I know, is that there is so much power to your words. 

      I am putting my words in writing! This is concrete evidence of the reality I am about to create! Here it is...

      I, Megan Vint, am committed to being a stay at home mom. I will do anything and everything to raise my daughter while finishing my degree and bringing in an income. I will provide her with all of the necessities and give her the life that she deserves and part of that means being there in her first years. I am open to possibilities for income that nurture this commitment and will be of service to anyone I can help along the way.

Coffee Can't Fix EVERYTHING

      June and I had a little impromptu photoshoot yesterday with my IPHONE and I am so excited about the pictures! The lighting was so beautiful in this room, so naturally I had to call my best friend and ask her to pop over and take pictures of me and my gal. As a mom, I always feel like I am getting great pictures of everyone else and there are never any pictures of the sweet moments we share every day. So I took advantage of my best friend who can't ever say no and I am so glad I did! 

      I have been struggling this week with being resentful. I started two fights with my hubby and realized I was self-sabotaging any alone time we had in the process. As much as I love spending every waking second with our daughter, it can be overwhelming to be a good mom and a good wife. To take care of her all day and still manage to cook dinner, clean house, keep up with groceries and bills. It's exhausting! And when he comes home from work, puts on the TV, takes a nice long shower.... it can be hard to not be resentful. 

      Don't get me wrong, he always calls after work to see if there's something he can pick up for dinner to make life a little easier. But watching him get to do whatever he wants can get a little irritating. So we needed to have a conversation. 

      This is where he and I struggle... communication. It's a huge learning process for us. Ultimately, he understood that I need more help than I ask for. He gets that I need him to take over, even if she's cranky and crying, so that I can have time to take a shower or write on the blog. Do something for myself. He even offered to watch her for a few hours while I went to a meeting. It was so good for me to get out of the house and be able to do something that was healthy and beneficial to my well being, while he got to spend some one on one time with his little girl. 

      This is so very important ladies! Take a couple of hours each week to do something for yourself. Whether it's taking a class you've been wanting to try, going on a hike, seeing a therapist... whatever it takes to nourish your mind and take care of your spirit. A car can't run on an empty tank and although coffee works miracles, you need time for yourself to rejuvenate. 

      Figure out what that is for you and DO IT. 

World Breastfeeding Week

      In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I decided to write a blog on the reality of breastfeeding. It is so hard!!!!! Before being a mom, I was secretly judgmental of mothers who resorted to formula. I thought, "why on Earth would any mother CHOOSE to formula feed?" Oh I get it.

      Don't get me wrong, it took some time and now I really do love it. But man those first couple of months were so brutal. And when I go back to school and work in a few weeks, I may hate it again. No one tells you what a full time job it is. I am so confused when I hear stories of mothers being asked to breastfeed elsewhere; are they supposed to sit in the bathroom stall for an hour? People don't realize how long it takes and how often it needs to be done. I had no clue!

      My girl loves to fall asleep every feeding, which is why it takes her so long per session. She will latch on for five or ten minutes, fall asleep, latch on, and so on and so on. She loves the sensation of a nipple in her mouth but hates every pacifier known to man. She loves to be fed, but hates having to use the bottle. I didn't give her an option on that one though, even if it takes forever I make her drink from the bottle every day to prepare her for daycare.

      People tell you about sore nipples, but you can't understand the pain until you're going through it. I used to cry every time I had to feed her because I knew it would be so painful. I thought about giving up so many times.

      I came home one night after having a few drinks and had to give her formula. I cried for hours feeling like I had failed her as a mom, but in reality... she was fine. She actually slept the entire night that night! I decided that it would be OK if I needed to breastfeed and formula feed. June would still be getting her nutrients and I wouldn't lose my mind.

      That's when she decided she wouldn't take formula anymore. Ha! She is a funny girl. And so I had to go back to my original commitment to exclusively breastfeed my daughter. Now that I have the hang of it, I'm so glad I didn't give up. I absolutely love the bond we share. I love that I am giving her everything she needs to develop into the strong, smart, sensible girl she will be. It's also nice to not have to spend money on formula and feed her for free!

      The fact that women still have to deal with people's comments and insults is outrageous. I'm still waiting for it. So far, I have gotten nothing but support and maybe a few odd looks in public. But man oh man, I am waiting for the day that some stranger opens their mouth and unleashes the wrath of Megan!

      So mamas, do what feels right for you. If you can get past those first couple of months and stick it out, great! If not, that's fine too! You haven't failed as a mother, you know what is right for your child. Don't let anyone else make that decision for you, and support any other mom in her journey along the way.

#WBW2016 #NormalizeBreastfeeding

Birthday Bash

      Phew! What a weekend. June and I caught the flu two days before Max's big surprise birthday at our house. I had to clean and organize our house and yard, take care of the baby and try not to spoil the surprise all while being sick.

      Not. Fun.
     
      Thank God I had so much help from family and friends. We had about thirty people in our little two bedroom back house and of course I picked the hottest day to throw it. It was all worth it though. He couldn't stop smiling ear to ear all day and telling everyone how amazing he had it. It's not that I do these things to be recognized, I do them because I love my spouse and want him to always feel important and loved.... but it's definitely nice when they appreciate all your efforts.

      I left the menu super simple. One quick trip to Costco and we had burgers, salads, fruit, lemonade, beer, snacks, brownies and of course... cake. Everyone contributed and now we have one fridge packed with food and one fridge packed with beer. Which hopefully means no more grocery shopping for this mama! For now anyway.....

      I love throwing parties. Well, I love planning them. I love spoiling my loved ones with presents and surprises and making sure they feel special on their big day. Any holiday or birthday is an opportunity for me to get creative. This last Christmas I made Pinterest inspired gift baskets for everyone. As long as you leave yourself plenty of time, it's totally possible to be one of those moms. But only if you love it, otherwise it ain't worth it.
 
      Now it's time to recover. I start school in just a few weeks and will also be going back to work. So I am enjoying every last minute with June and attempting to relax!

Rookie Mistake

      Alright ya'll... I need to write about something near and dear to my heart. I got into a lot of trouble for this photo. Last night was the first night my nine week old daughter slept in her bassinet. She slept for twelve hours with only one break half way through to feed! Miracle!!!! Mommy actually got to spread out in bed and get some rest. Of course I was beyond excited and wanted to share it with the world, so I started with sharing it on one of my mom groups on Facebook. The same group I always go to for support.

      Now what I got was a lot of other moms letting me know the dangers of this photo. Baby shouldn't sleep with anything but a flat sheet.... my bad. Rookie mistake! I was not aware of the dangers and immediately fixed the problem. Now, I don't mind that other moms want to warn me; that is still supportive as long as they are saying it in the right way and I got a lot of moms that did just that. But I did notice one lady whose comments made me feel, well.... stupid.

      I am a grown adult. No one is responsible for making me feel anything, I choose what I feel. However, I believe that we should use sensitive words in these situations. Being a first time mom, I am bound to make a lot of mistakes and learn from them. Your advice is usually welcome, especially if my kid is in any danger. But let's be mindful of how we present our suggestions. Let's build each other up! I hate when I see mommy shaming on the internet. I went to share my exciting news and what I was left with were feelings of stupidity and embarrassment.

      Again, I'm not saying you should keep it to yourself. Just ask yourself, "how would this make me feel as a new mom?" "Will my suggestion be helpful or shameful?"

      Parenting is hard enough, let's not make it any harder.

Summer Salad

      I attended a family reunion yesterday and we were asked to bring a dish. I was trying to think of something fast, easy and cheap that would keep well at the beach. Salad! Duh. But I got fancy with it... and it turned out amazing! Feel free to share and make it your own. Enjoy!

Summer Salad

Ingredients (served about 15 people)

2 Hearts of romaine

2 Handfuls of arugula

2 Handfuls of kale
2 Granny smith apples
Walnuts
Dried Cranberries
Avocado
Feta Cheese
Goat Cheese

I also added grape tomatoes, but it would have been better without. I got lazy and served it with some pre-made dressing from Trader Joes but you can make a nice light vinaigrette if you really wanted to impress the party!

Date Night

      When you are a parent, finding time alone can be difficult. Finding time with your partner can be damn near impossible! It is so important to set aside one day a week (if you can) to have date night. Max and I dropped off our little Junebug with my sister and snuck away to see a movie and a free comedy show. My sister actually ended up letting us take the ENTIRE night off and getting a good night's rest on top of it! It was our first night away from June and it was terrifying, but boy am I glad we did it. Take advantage of those opportunities ladies! Your little one will be fine and you will feel slightly back to your normal self. 

      We had so much fun on our date, laughing and drinking like when we first met. We didn't feel like parents, we felt like kids! Just to be able to have conversation and alone time without being interrupted by a hungry little hippo - that's her new nickname, what with all the cluster feeding she has been doing - it was perfect and I plan on making it a weekly thing.

     We spent our Sunday organizing the house. It started with an ant infestation (I left the salad out - my bad) and turned into a full day of cleaning house. Max offered to watch June as I tackled the nursery. She started to get fussy and I told him to give her some milk I had pumped and rock her to sleep for her afternoon nap. I listened to him struggling to get her down for about fifteen minutes. He finally came in and said, "I swear it's like she knows! I rock her to sleep and the second I sit down she wakes up crying!" I can't even tell you how good it felt. To have him see why it is so hard to get anything done around the house, to have him understand the frustration of never having a second alone. It's always nice when hard work is recognized, but you don't always get that as a mom. No one truly understands the amount of work it takes. Now try doing it all day, every day with no sleep! Ha! Didn't think so....

Spicy Shrimp Tacos

         Alright ladies... and gents, I got excited about having some time and energy to finally cook my hubby dinner and it was UH-MAZING!!! This dinner was inspired by my favorite dish at Loteria, although I have to say I think mine came out even better! Not only was it incredibly tasty but also super easy to make. So for all of you mamas who want to impress your man but don't have the time to cook, this is a must! You can thank me later.

Spicy Shrimp Tacos

Ingredients

16 oz bag of cooked, peeled salad shrimp

5 tbs of butter

1 tbs of minced garlic

1 large lemon

1/2 tsp of salt

1/2 tsp of garlic powder

1/2 tsp of paprika

1 tsp of chili pepper

Avocado 

Cilantro or Arugula

Sour cream

Cotija cheese

Corn tortillas

Directions 

Melt butter, minced garlic and the juice of one lemon in a large skillet (preferably cast iron). Once butter has melted, add in shrimp. Sauté on high heat for five minutes. Add in spices and reduce heat to low, cook for another ten minutes stirring occasionally. (You can play with the spices depending on your pallet, this was the perfect amount of salty and spicy for me.) 

Grill up some corn tortillas while the shrimp is finishing.

Spread some sour cream on a hot tortilla (optional), add shrimp and top it off with avocado, cilantro and cotija cheese! I was out of cilantro and used some arugula and it was delicious, so feel free to play with this recipe.

ENJOY!! 

Tired

I’m tired today… Let’s face it, I’m tired every day. I really don’t know how you stay-at-home-moms do it! Props, mad props. I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, her sleep last night wasn’t bad, I’m just tired. This motherhood thing is so hard! I have a laundry list of things I need to get done and all I want to do is nap with my little babe.

Mornings are my favorite. We wake up, put on a fresh diaper, breastfeed and she can’t stop smiling and laughing. On days where I don’t have any appointments or plans, I take full advantage of this time together. I will be going back to work and school in just a few weeks and will miss our mornings so much. So do I feel guilty? Absolutely not. The dishes will get done, the laundry will get done, the carpet will get vacuumed…. Eventually. This is more important. Time spent with my daughter will always be a priority. She won’t be a baby forever, but I will have laundry F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

Priorities seem to be a theme this week. Yesterday I felt guilty for taking my little one with me to the salon to get my hair done. She did great for the most part, just got a little fussy but I breastfed and she was fine. I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt, like I was ruining the experience for someone else. But in reality, all the girls loved oohing and aahing over my girl and I got to leave the salon feeling beautiful. You really can’t put a price on that feeling, so mommas – go get your hair done!

My fiancé got home from his two-week fire assignment on Sunday and told me he had planned on going back to his full time job that Monday. I begged him to stay home with us. He was feeling so much guilt about turning down work and having to make money that I had to actually remind him that taking care of his well being and spending a day with his family was just as important (if not more) than making money. We feel so much pressure as parents to support our families that we forget that part of supporting our family means taking care of ourselves!!!! It’s OK to let yourself have a day off people! Actually, it’s not just OK it’s NECESSARY.

 I realized we hadn’t spent one day of quality time together since she had been born eight weeks ago…. That doesn’t sit right with me. I don’t want to look back on our life together and just remember how hard we worked to survive. I want to have the memories! I’m so tired of people placing judgment and unsolicited advice on us as parents. There is such a thing as overworking yourself. It’s not healthy… it takes a toll on your mind, body and spirit. You suffer, your marriage suffers, your family suffers. Let yourself take a day off, go get a massage, spend money on a nice dinner. Take care of your needs! You won’t have a family to take care of if you aren’t ever around to see them. Do what you need to do for yourself and don’t listen to anyone who makes you feel bad for it.  Marriage and parenting is hard enough as is, we don’t need to make it any harder.

Priorities, people.

Chasing Chickens

            This past week has been stressful to say the least, even more than usual. My fiancé is a wild land firefighter and has been on an assignment for two weeks. Although I am used to taking care of our daughter for the majority of the time, it’s really nice to have the extra support when he comes home from work to help me put dinner together or just hold her while I get to take a shower. Needless to say, his presence was very missed.

During his absence, three of our chickens managed to escape. We live in Los Angeles mind you, not on some farm in the middle of nowhere. So finding them isn’t as easy as driving down an old empty road. I spent a good portion of the first day driving around our neighborhood listening for their clucking and asking neighbors if they had seen any chickens running around…. Pretty sure my neighbors think I’m crazy. No luck.

Finally, later that night I saw my cat staring with intent at something in our neighbor’s backyard. Audrey!! Our dear Audrey was running around trying to find out how to get back over the wall. I ran over to the neighbors house, rang the doorbell and no one answered. I had no choice but to break in to his backyard and save my chicken! I was so happy I had found one of our missing chickens… until the next morning when I saw that little shit running around his back yard again.

HOW IS SHE DOING THIS?? I put June in her carrier, strapped her to my chest and ran over to his house. Again, no one answered. So now, I’m breaking into this guy’s back yard with my child. I could just imagine calling my fiancé from jail explaining to him that I got arrested and our child was with CPS all because I was trying to rescue our chicken. But did that stop me? Of course not! I spent a solid ten minutes chasing Audrey around, swinging my arms trying to catch her with our eight week old daughter strapped to my chest the whole time.  When I got her back into our yard I boobie trapped the chicken coop so that there was no possible way of it getting out again.

With the comfort of knowing the chicken was locked up safely, I caught up on household chores, grocery shopping and made dinner. I’m doing all of this with a very gassy, irritable baby who won’t stop crying by the way. Finally we get some rest, well she did any way… in two hour increments. Me? I laid in bed staring at the ceiling with June asleep on my chest (because she would cry when I set her down next to me) contemplating how I got to this point. You know, the usual bedtime inner dialogue.

The next morning I woke up, made some coffee and what do I see? That god damned chicken in his yard again. So what do I do? I say, “f*** it, we’re going to the beach!” I packed up the car and left that chicken right where she wanted to be.

The lesson I learned this week is that sometimes we have to ignore all of our responsibilities, pack our bags and go on an adventure. Because our biggest responsibility as a mother, or human being, is to take care of ourselves and that is often forgotten amongst the growing to do list that is our greatest burden. When you live a life without sleep, with throw up on every outfit, cold meals, sore nipples and no breaks…. It is so very important to spend a day or even an hour trying to relax. When your mind/body/spirit isn’t healthy, the entire household falls apart. Make yourself your biggest priority. Always.

Let's Talk Truth

         Everybody knows being a parent is hard, some even refer to it as the hardest job in the world, but no one really talks about just how hard it is. Sure, we hear the jokes about never sleeping again, never having any alone time, the house will always be a mess but no one talks about those first few weeks… and there’s a reason they don’t. It’s an uncomfortable topic. There’s so much pressure on a woman to feel so in love and happy to be a mom that no one really wants to talk about what goes on in that first month. Well, we need to start.

           

I was convinced I had post partum depression until I joined a Facebook group of moms who all shared a very similar experience. Of course we are happy and in love, but we are also in a lot of pain and adjusting to a very different lifestyle. As eager as I was to leave the hospital and take our little precious bundle of joy home, that was easily the best part of that month. So first time moms – don’t be in a rush to leave! At the hospital you have constant care from nurses who are there to change your pads, help you breastfeed, bring you food, help you to the restroom. You are posted up in bed, possibly medicated, and just enjoying watching your little one sleep.

           

Once you’re home, you’re on your own. Family and friends are wonderful and step in to help with the baby and bring you food but it isn’t likely you will want them to help you in the restroom. Pooping after delivery is almost as painful as delivery itself. It can take a few days to be able to go and when you do, you’re poop is rock solid. It’s excruciatingly painful to push out and when you finally do you’re likely to tear a hemorrhoid and bleed quite a bit. Yes, I said it. That’s normal. So to all the pregnant ladies out there, I would stock up on some stool softener and prune juice…. You’ll thank me later. You will also bleed for up to six weeks and have to walk around wearing maxi pads the whole time. Luckily, I stocked up on Thinx underwear so that I could avoid the diaper feeling. Women who have C-sections, myself included, are in so much pain from having everything removed and shoved back in that even walking can feel impossible. But after a couple of weeks you will start feeling better, so hang in there.

           

Usually people that go through a major surgery or any hospital stay, go home and rest. Not you! You get to wake up every couple of hours with baby and hope you don’t cry when they latch on to your cracked, ultra-sensitive nipple. I strongly encourage you to get some nipple butter, it will take a few weeks for your nips to toughen up and the butter will help in the meantime. I cannot stress this enough… REST WHEN YOUR BABY RESTS. Even if you can’t sleep – put on a show, pick up a book, just tune out. Don’t get stressed that you aren’t being productive, you are!! Taking care of a newborn is more than a full time job, you don’t get any breaks. So please allow yourself to not do anything when you get an hour of your little one napping.

           

Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to cry for no reason. Let your body heal and don’t compare yourself to others. Ask for help and allow people to take care of you… Furthermore, enjoy being taken care of! If you are feeling overwhelmed by visitors and want to be alone, politely tell everyone to F off. Don’t feel bad or guilty; take care of yourself and your needs. Join mom groups and connect with people, build your support group. Facebook has some great groups and when you are feeling up to it, join a mommy and me class! Feeling depressed or having the “baby blues” is completely normal, just keep an eye on it and if you feel you can’t trust yourself, see your doctor.

           

This article isn’t meant to scare new moms. Having a child IS the best thing that will ever happen to you. It’s the kind of love there are no words for. But nothing worth anything is ever easy and the more honest we can be as parents, the better we will be as parents.